31 October 2008


The Mossman from Ubatuber on Vimeo.

Dat Mossman won't botha nobody agin. He wudn't nuthin, went down like a pile o'leaves. Ma hunt continues, ah know ah'm hot on da trail o da Tree Beast...

23 October 2008

Ahm deep inna bayou now, been trackin' da Mossman, either dat or he jis keep happenin' to cross ma path...folk say he peaceful but ah gotta say, he don' look dat peaceful ta me, non...an if dats da case, if he part of da problem, its time he met ma solution.....

Also, ah got tired o' luggin dat camera around, figured a way to lash it to mah head poimanently....soon as ah catch up ta 'ole Mossy, y'all see what ah mean...

13 October 2008

Lurline - 1
Punkins - 0

Dey ain't gonna be messin' wit nobody else.

Ah hardly had time to set up da camera fo' dey's rustlin', like dey smelt me....once ah saw dat ah pulled da pin on one o' ma grenades and da rest is history....took me a few days ta do right by all dem bones, buried 'em proper, but now ah'm headin' on.....dat Tree Beast won't know what hit 'im...



Punkin Patch 101308 from Ubatuber on Vimeo.

08 October 2008

Well, dat dint take long...only a few miles from home an already ah come 'cross a nest. Da killer punkin patch, da very same one dat RJ visited last year, only dis year da punkins are beaucoup bigger, and da patch is fulla bones o'folks dem punkins ate up....deres prolly only a coupla dozen of'em left, ah s'pose da rest died off, not many folks left t'eat 'round dese parts.....ah cant git too close, think ah'll try out ma long range arsenal...maybe a grenade, tho ah only got a few....ah'm gonna set up da camera, try ta git 'em ta move a bit 'fo ah take 'em out, 'cause ah think dats what RJ'd want.

Dey'll be mo' lively tonight....

07 October 2008

Ah'm off, headin' out tonight....danger lurks inna dark but ah'm itchin' t'leave...ah got ma goods ready, Cliff hand-delivered ma souped up weaponry today, everything ah need to take down a plant.
Ah'll be sendin updates to Cousins as often as ah can, usin' dis fancy telephone dey sent me, can take photos an video too...

-Lurline-

02 October 2008

Cousins Roche sent me over a map d'uther day, we been talkin regular and Jeffrey's been keepin' tabs on any sightin's of the Tree Beast, and any missin' persons in da areas. He seen somethin' disturbin'. Hell, we all seen it -- dat fucker's gettin' closer to da cities, where dere mo people. RJ's body was fount way down south inna bayou in Terrebonne Parish, jis 'cross da water from where we at near Port Fouchon. Each time Cuz marks a spot on his map, dat Beast seem to git farther an farther north, til he hits da highways, it seems like.
Dat's alright, 'least ah know where to find 'im....


Ah got a few last minute things ta take careuh (RJs buddy Clifford's been soupin' up some protection fo' me) and den ah'm off, on foot thru da bayou....


Huntin'...

01 October 2008

Ah’m Lurline Legrasse and ah’m still here.

‘Bout a year ago, ma husband was kilt by a creature, somethin’ dats growin out in da bayou, getting’ closer every day to wut good people we got left ‘round ‘ere. We had a bad storm season again dis year, stirred up da wildlife somethin’ fierce. Lotta folks jis aint come back home, lot of’em got taken by da bayou too, in one way or ‘nuther. But no mo’.


Ma husband Raymond Jefferson Legrasse, may he rest in peace, he had a mission. He showed folks wut we got out ‘ere inna bayou. Tried to edumacate. Didn’t work out so well for‘im tho, so now ah’ve got a mission.



Ah’ve spent time trainin’, gittin’ ready for the day ah try to take back da bayou. Ah’m goin after dat Tree to make it pay, it ain’t takin’ no mo’ ma people. Ah’ve got RJ’s bag, dat camera, his notes, his hat. Ah’m gonna retrace his steps. And ah’m gonna git da gun.


31 October 2007

R.I.P. Raymond Jefferson Legrasse

When I found Lurline she was hysterical. She led me to a spot far out in the bayou, where she had found RJ's remains. It wasn't pretty. It'll be a closed casket tomorrow. A little investigating and I discovered the camera, knocked over in the underbrush where he'd been trying to hide it. The footage I salvaged is disturbing to say the least, but I feel I need to share it here, however insensitive it may seem.


TreeBeast 103107 from Ubatuber on Vimeo.

24 October 2007

An Update from Lurline Legrasse

"RJ still aint home, Cuz, ah dunno what to do. I searched da bayou high an low, almost got gassed by a Farkler too. Tomorrow an da next day ah'm goin out wit a search party. We gon find 'im."

22 October 2007

Urgent Telegram from Lurline Legrasse

"Cuz,
Yesterday evenin RJ went out back wit a camcorder he borrowed offa Missy Gautreau down da block. He went off an aint come back, since yesterday, ah'm real worried an Missy's lookin for her camera too. If he aint back tonight ah'm off to hunt for 'im in da mornin'. He better be dead, 'cause if he drunk an passed out in dem woods ah'll leave 'im there yeah.

-Lurline"

20 October 2007

Schminees


"Da Schminees second line thru da cemeteries on occasion, playin dey undead jazz. Folk run fo' cover when dey hear dat music, cause if ya listen long enough, ya join in, become one o' dem. It all starts wit da tappin of ya foot. Ah aint sure where da name come from, Lurline say her Gran taught it to her so dey maybe as ole as da ocean folk."

19 October 2007

Ramenhead

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

"Lurline named dis'un cause she say its mout look like noodles. Dese tings fall outta da trees to catch dey prey, makin a sorta parachute wit da sack on their head. Once dey on you, we tink dey tails a stinger ta keep da prey (dats you) zombified, still active an juicy. Da person jis keep on walkin 'round while dey liquefy 'em, startin wit da head workin down (aint never seen one git nobody by da feet, ah'm guessin itd be easy ta git away den)."

18 October 2007

Queen Slug

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

"Aka da singin' slug, aka da queen o' slug theatre. Dis worm (might even be some kinda liberated oyster) skates on da surface of da bayou and sings a....fish song (dats all ah can think ta call it). Almost sound like a woman screamin'. Da fish, dey drawn all up to da surface in a trance-like, and den she have her way wit dem. She uses dem feeler triple-barbs ta poison her prey, den she wraps herself aroun'em and drag em down to da deep. Ah guess she eat 'em, I dunno."

17 October 2007

Pumpkin Patch

"Lurline an me went out dis mornin to da punkin patch dat done sprung up out past da bayou. Dese tings as bad as da tubers, Cousin Jefferson played me dis video from d'intranet, fella name-a Strider somewheres up north. If dese tings spread dat much, den oh yeah, we all in trouble.


Dey usually mos active at night an we's in daylight so I grabbed up a small one and Lurline snapped da polaroids. He woke up soon as ah harvested 'im, and got real fidgety real quick, took a nice size chunk outta ma neck.....not as big a chunk as ah took outta him tho, ha...."











16 October 2007

Ocean Folk


"Paw-paw used to talk about da ocean folk, said dey a ole people, dat dey been crawlin' up outta da bayou fo hunerds'a years, afta swimmin thru da Gulf from da ocean. He said dey'd come to da bayou ta shed dey heads an grow new bodies, dat da humidity here is what dey need fo dat. Ah aint ever seen one growin' but ah can pitcher it, wet and slimy and smelly like an eel an a frog in congress. We thought dey died out fo 'while but after da storm dey popped up again, more'n ever. Ah've heard o' folks callin dem 'Forgs'. Ah like dat name."

15 October 2007

Nutria Bat


"Da nutria rats a rodent 'bout da size ofa cat or a beaver, aquatic rodent, da perfect pest fo' da swamps an ma bayou. Dey got webbed feet an everyting. An nah dey got wings. Da nutria bat fly in fo food but mostly still live in dey holes by da water. Best ta duck 'n cover, you don want dem farkley teeth in ya scalp, an Ah don want dem gittin' a taste o' brain matter."

14 October 2007

Moss Man


"Da Moss Man more of a legend really, but Lurline swear she seen 'im wanderin' out back in da swamps, an not jis her, other folks too. If he real, an who am ah ta say he aint after what all ah seen, if he real den he aint never hurt nobody dat we know of. Ah tink he must really be a plant."

13 October 2007

Loup Garou


"Da Loup Garou is what most yankees would call da Wolfman, but in our Creole version, accordin to da tales and proofed by me, bleedin da wolf lifts da curse an frees da man inside. Bes' ta bleed 'em in da moment of peace dey all get right after da change."

12 October 2007

Katrina Potatoes


"Aka Blood Tubers.....and it aint jis tubers neither, da storm brought in a toxic muck dat changed all da crops. These guys come atcha in a flash, up outta da ground like rats an roaches, an dey root into ya wit their petit limbs, climb ya, drain ya."

11 October 2007

Jar Snatcher


"Snatchers'r lot like dem aliens in dat movie, huggin da face an layin eggs in it. Only insteada eggs, dis ting t'row up its guts like da cucumber of da sea, takin' over its vessel like a toitle inna shell. Most times dey end up in mason jars or milk bottles, dey aint too bright, an dey aint much trouble once dey spew. Ah love t'watch'em try'n walk, wit dey heads all fulla juice, floppin' to an fro, dey eye spinnin' round and bobbin' up n down. Hell, dey make me dizzy! Ah aint seen one snatch a body yet but ah aint takin mah chances. Ah kill 'em on sight, stomp 'em squished."

10 October 2007

Itchy Ichthy


"Da turkeyfish, ah call it. Dey real easy ta catch, dey eat jis'bout anyting, you could prolly use a ole boot fo bait and git a bite. But dont bother, you dont wanna eat 'im, no. One we fried up an ate set us ta scratchin' like you wouldna believed, worse than fleas an skeeters put together. Mus' be some kinda poison. It do look a l'il blowfishy."

09 October 2007

The Hokey Poker


"Da hokey poker, one ta watch out for. A spidery water walker, comes onta land ta eat tho'. He puts his left foot in ya eye, he puts his right foot in ya eye, he puts his other left foot in ya eye and he shakes ya all about.....den fills ya wit his web ta eatcha. Dunno why dey fill dey food from da inside wit webbin, but Lurline says dey want more'n jis blood, an dey dont like da skin, so their way dey can pull out da 'juicy parts'. Blech."

08 October 2007

The Great White Gator


"Dis heres a kinda sad story. Dis albino gator (look more like a croc nowadays 'counta da double chins) turned mutant like everyting else out here. Ate all da fish, all da otha gators, started comin up out da water an eatin the folks livin' round dat part a da bayou. Put a whole lotta hurtin on a whole messa people, and den disappearred fo'while. We tink he musta got out inta da Gulf and come back all huge an fat. Prolly ate everyting out dere. No seafood fo nobody dis year, hah! Lurline plugged up her nose n dove in to take a gander, said hes right stuck. Can't go nowhere now. Da kids toss 'im bits a food but dont do much, just crumbs to him. He slowly starvin ta death. Ah tried ta put 'im out wit ma boomstick, but he's jis too damn big. Folk from all around here come to see 'im."




"Yesterday ah took ma ole polaroid camera out into da bayou, mosta da pitchers got left behind as I was runnin fo ma life, but I did go back fo dis one, an ah stink to high Heaven as proof."

06 October 2007

Flying Farkles


"Four flying farting farklers fillin' da bog wit dere filthy fumage, heh. Dese guys 'bout da size a ma head, wit glowin poiple eyes. Lucky fo us dey stink poiple too, so we can see 'em comin' a mile away. Put a skunk ta shame. Dey hang out near da surface o'da water when dey not huntin', and dey eat wit dem coily straws hangin outta dey mouths. A swarm o' dese tings drained a schoolyard fulla kids a few months back but we didn see hide nor hair o'it on da news. Creature cover-up. Dey don want nobody knowin whats goin on down here. Now ah think on it, ah aint seen nobody new 'round dese parts in weeks, and supplies is runnin' kinda low at da corner sto'......"

05 October 2007

Ed


"Ma neighbor Eddie Boudreaux came complainin 'bout his well, said sumpthin 'bout seein colors comin outta it, talkin like a Woodstock hippie. I didn pay 'im no mind til I seen 'im like dis. Whatevers in dat well, is in dat water an is in dat land an now is in Ed. Prolly shouldn call 'im dat no mo. Ed. I aint spoke to or seen Mama Boudreaux in goin' on weeks. My wife Lurline tink he ate 'er."

An Open Letter from Prof. Ichbonnsen

"Dear Mr. Jeffrey C. Roche,
Having just perused your "Monster Month South" web log -- forwarded to me by my associate Mr. Bonnichsen -- I must say that I am quite impressed.
In the current climate of skepticism toward any claiming to have seen unusual animals, it is an act of intellectual bravery in the extreme to give your support to Mr. Raymond J. Lagrasse's claims.
Beyond merely lending a credible ear, you have amplified his voice. I thank you! So often my most remarkable discoveries have been due to information gleaned from sources just such as this -- sources deemed "unlearned" or "rustic" by the narrow-minded men controlling American academia.
With your permission, may I laud you publicly and lend what little standing I have to your noble cause?

Sincerely yours,
Professor Ichbonnsen"
of Monster Month


"Professor,
Well thanks a bunch fo' ya words, tho ah aint sure what bein lauded is, and ah definitly don tink ah want it done in public! Ya tell as many folks as ya can 'bout dis here site tho, could save lives! Ah aint a learned man, aint no scientist, ah caint claim to know the whos or hows or whys, but at least I can try'n spread da word through mah pitchers. Heck, most o'da time ah'm too scared to even git close to 'em, da bigger critters anyways. If you ever in dis neck o'da woods, yankee, gimme a holler an ah'll show you 'round.......carefully....

R.J. Legrasse"

04 October 2007

Dock Ock


"Dis dock wuz da place to go fo' lil fish but dat aint so no mo', damn near whole ting's been taken out by dis giant octopus. If dats even what he is, ah aint gonna git close nuff to see 'im, an' neither nobody else. All we ever seen is da tentacles, never where dey end."

03 October 2007

Cupboard Lurker


"Lurkers come in all shapes and sizes and mostly dey jis hang 'round an don't bother nobody. Dis ting 'ere we call the cupboard Lurker. Ma Paw-paw's got one in his kitchen, just lay in dat cabinet starin'. We dunno what he eat now dat he done ate everyting in dat pantry, but paw says his land useta be crawlin' wit nutria rats and now dey got none. He don't come outta his cupboard dat we ever seen, but dere's sumpthin about da way he jis look atcha. I tol' paw ta be careful round 'im, he aint no pet."

02 October 2007

The Bloomi


"Bloomi grow on d'edge of d'swamp just before ya hit dem cypress knees. Dey smell reeeal nice, J. said sumpthin' bout sirens but ah dunno what he mean by dat, aint been no police round 'ere in ages. Anywho, dis smell, it gitcha by da belly an when ya lean in close-like, for a real true sniffle, dey go an' bite ya nose off. Most nights dey jis sway n sway in da breeze, real purty, but when dey git sumbody, when dey smell dat blood, dey ALL lean in tryin to git at it. Ah tink one o' dese days dey gonna pull up dey roots and walk."

01 October 2007

The Ankleeow


"We call 'ese lil buggers the Ankleeow on counta how dey love ankles, and damn do it hurt! Dont go walkin out after dark, 'specially wit bare feet, or dey'll be on you like white on rice. Dey burrow wit dem lil claws n teeth 'til dey can get up in dere, den dey shimmy up ya bones, eatin' all along the way, like dat worm mah pigs use ta git. And dey attack in packs, ah seen 'em bring a grown man down, biggun too, lickety-split. But dey little yeah, and mosta th'other wildlife out here eat 'em up."